“Who Loves Me Will Love My Dog”

Mom and I have a lot of time to chat while we’re cruising in the Dogmobile.  On one of our trips we got to talking about how similar she and I are, in terms of the characteristics we share.  And we started comparing all the dogs that have passed through our house and how funny it was that each dog reflected one or two of mom’s personality traits.  How often have you heard the expression “people start to look like their dogs”?  Or, “dogs and their owners end up looking alike”?  Sometimes it’s really true.  You have all seen the professional photography demonstrating that effect.  Well, I want to take this concept just a tad farther.  I want to propose that we dogs tend to reflect our owner’s personalities.  Or maybe, it’s vice versa.   Are you smiling yet?  If you know my mom, I’ll bet you’re laughing already. 

Let me illustrate.  Take me, for instance.  If you’ve met me, you know I’m not a petite guy.   I’m big.  I have curly hair.  I love to eat.  And I love to talk.  And not necessarily in that order.  I’m not sure what I love more—talking or food!  You’ve seen pictures; you’ve heard stories.  So…anybody know my mom?  Ever see her miss a meal?  With the exception of the curly hair (well, she used to pay big cash money for curls), you can really tell we’re related.  She’s pretty chatty.  And sometimes I hear her use an expression describing herself like a brick building and a potty!?  I don’t get it but maybe you will. 

Then there was Dakota.  Dakota was an absolute sweet, loving dog.  But don’t cross him.  And don’t come after his mom.  He’d literally and figuratively rip your face off.  Uh huh, you guessed it.  Don’t cross momma either, especially before she’s had her 2 cups of coffee.  And whatever you do, don’t do anything to her family!   Dakota had a long “fuse” but when it blew—watch out.  Mom?  Well put it this way…I wouldn’t go takin’ mom’s treats away from her!

Then there’s Ditto.  Ditto is often aloof.  A friendly guy who loves to greet strangers and talk to them, in the long run he’d just as soon go outside and oversee his “land”.  He likes it when he can be outside, undisturbed, and surveying his surroundings.  Away from the pack.  And you know?  Mom’s not too far from that, too.  She loves to visit and see people and be social, but in the end, she’d just as soon sit on the deck, look over “her land” and contemplate the world.  Kind of funny, huh? 

Now, here’s where my thesis goes a bit awry.  Sophie.  Princess Sophie.  I’m not seeing much resemblance between the two.  I’m not quite sure I’d call my mom a princess. Mom doesn’t care about her nails.  And she sure doesn’t mind getting rained on.  Yet, y’know, Sophie’s kind of bossy.  It’s “her way or the highway.”  Sigh.   And, shhh, don’t tell, but I think my mom is a little similar.  She can be pretty bossy when it comes to following what she says.  So, I guess they share some idiosyncrasy don’t they?  Dad calls them, “pushy females”.    *HOWL*

Is it all that bad that we’re similar?  I don’t think so.  I think mom would like to be more like me – forgiving, unconditional, happy all the time-- although since we’re both on a diet I’m not sure she wants to be like me in every way!  And there are times I’d like to be more like her—at least on the physical side—be able to have opposing thumbs, talk—real talk—and live longer than 15.  But I’m happy we’re a family and we can share our quirks and relish in them.  To me?  They’re virtues. 

So what characteristics do you share with your beloved pup?  Please share.  And…thanks for reading everyone.  I hope you were “Bearmused” today!

Euphemisms

Going on a diet. We’ll see. Maybe. Skibs. Slurpy. In a minute. Beauty parlor. OK. “O-U-T”. Last trips. Foster sister/brother. TR’s.

Do you know what any of those mean?  I’m sure “Going on a Diet” is familiar to 99.99% of you. Sadly, it’s now familiar to me. *Whine* And you might think you know what “Beauty Parlor” is or “We’ll See”. But y’know what they are in my house? Euphemisms. That’s right. Do you know what a euphemism is? Here’s what the dictionary says:

A substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener; or in the case of doublespeak, to make it less troublesome for the speaker.

Uh huh. Less offensive. Right. Well, in some cases, that might be the case and in some cases it’s not really an issue. But, thanks to one of my loyal Facebook friends who pointed this out, the euphemism is absolutely a substitution for a less pleasant word. Frequently, the euphemism is used in lieu of? Anybody?  Bueller?   The word we all hate: NO. N-O. I just don’t like that word. For so many reasons. But…I digress (bad habit, I no..I mean, know).

So today we’re gonna talk about the euphemisms used in MY house. Some are funny. Some are supposed to be a trick so that we (my siblings and I) can’t understand—right mom. But I’ll share with you some of our euphemisms and hope that you appreciate my world a little better. Mom didn’t know I had so many of these figured out, but I do! So we’ll start with the worst one of all to me:  “GOING ON A DIET”.

Because, that means I starve. That means mom doesn’t feed me enough. My belly is empty. I have to forage for scraps out on our walks. I have to force myself to eat Sophie’s dinner. Yeah, I’m not a fan of “GOING ON A DIET”. I think those of you who read my Facebook posting figured that out already. Mom and my doctor say I have to shed a few pounds. Well, gee, I only thought I had to shed furs. But no….I have to “cut back”. *HOWL*. That’s just downright hurtful. I think you know what I mean. So “Going on a diet” means starvation at my house!

Which, of course, leads me to Skibs. And Slurpy. Skibs is another word for food. Weird, huh? Yeah, this is a mom-ism. I am told that it came from when she had her true love, Beasley. Seems initially Beas ate Kibbles and Bits. (Ew, Mom…thankfully she learned). From Kibbles and Bits it went to Kibbles. From Kibbles to Skibbles. From Skibbles to Skibs. Yup, we are asked two times a day, “are you ready for skibs”? Duh, mom. Wanna take a gander at what “slurpy” is? Yup, it’s water. Seems this same dog used to be kind of sloppy; rather, he slurped, in a rhythm of three’s, his water. Slurp slurp slurp. Mom, from there, somehow and some way, switched water to “slurpy”. Now those are two euphemisms that aren’t painful. Just a tad weird, but so is mom.

Another painful euphemism? “Going to the beauty parlor”. Now most of you girly girls out there like doing that. I guess you call it a “spa”. Well, in my land, it is….THE GROOMER. Now our groomer is very nice, but I am not thrilled to be there. I don’t like getting brushed. I don’t like getting bathed. And while, in the end it feels good, I really don’t like getting shorn like a sheep. So when I hear “beauty parlor”, I run.

Two less than pleasant euphemisms are “maybe” and “in a minute”. Mom thinks it will assuage us. Pacify us. Ditto gets it a lot. Here’s how it goes: “Mom, I gotta go out” is followed by “in a minute Ditto”. Then guess what? She doesn’t let us out. Repeat. Guess what? Ditto has to yell, then she gets mad, and we finally go out. Y’think after all these years she’d know we really have to go out. Shuh.

Our Facebook friend gets “maybe”. In other words, back to the second worst word in the world, “NO”. We don’t get “maybe” very often, but we know what it means when she says it. However, it's one of Dad’s favorite euphemisms. Maybe and "we’ll see". Most of you practiced parents out there know what I mean. Both of those terms mean forget about it. *sigh*

Ooh, “TR’s.” TR’s are mom’s attempt to spell words instead of using them. But she forgets how smart we are. TR’s are treats. An oxymoron to “diet”, TR’s are great. Often provided after “Last Trips”, which is the word for “we better go potty now because it’s bedtime and you’re gonna have to hold it.” This is usually associated with “O-U-T”, another attempt by mom to spell, thinking she’s tricked us. But where she slips up is when she puts “OK” with anything. ‘Cuz when we hear the inflection in her voice as she says OK, then we know it’s time to MOVE and usually to the o-u-t doors. Silly mom.

Foster sister/brother is simply a smokescreen. It’s a euphemism for “great, mom now has one more dog to pet and dote on, and less time and less hands for me”. We all know it. And she thinks we’re ok with that! *big sigh*.

I could go on and on. Mom’s got all these trick words. However,  we’re pretty smart in our house and we’ve got her figgered out. But that’s ok. We love her as much as always and we know that she’s just trying not to hurt our feelings or make it more fun for all of us. I just wish she’d lose the “diet” one….

Do you have any euphemisms in your house? If you do, please share with us.. And thanks for reading everybody. I hope you were “Bearmused” today!