Going on a diet. We’ll see. Maybe. Skibs. Slurpy. In a minute. Beauty parlor. OK. “O-U-T”. Last trips. Foster sister/brother. TR’s.
Do you know what any of those mean? I’m sure “Going on a Diet” is familiar to 99.99% of you. Sadly, it’s now familiar to me. *Whine* And you might think you know what “Beauty Parlor” is or “We’ll See”. But y’know what they are in my house? Euphemisms. That’s right. Do you know what a euphemism is? Here’s what the dictionary says:
A substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener; or in the case of doublespeak, to make it less troublesome for the speaker.
Uh huh. Less offensive. Right. Well, in some cases, that might be the case and in some cases it’s not really an issue. But, thanks to one of my loyal Facebook friends who pointed this out, the euphemism is absolutely a substitution for a less pleasant word. Frequently, the euphemism is used in lieu of? Anybody? Bueller? The word we all hate: NO. N-O. I just don’t like that word. For so many reasons. But…I digress (bad habit, I no..I mean, know).
So today we’re gonna talk about the euphemisms used in MY house. Some are funny. Some are supposed to be a trick so that we (my siblings and I) can’t understand—right mom. But I’ll share with you some of our euphemisms and hope that you appreciate my world a little better. Mom didn’t know I had so many of these figured out, but I do! So we’ll start with the worst one of all to me: “GOING ON A DIET”.
Because, that means I starve. That means mom doesn’t feed me enough. My belly is empty. I have to forage for scraps out on our walks. I have to force myself to eat Sophie’s dinner. Yeah, I’m not a fan of “GOING ON A DIET”. I think those of you who read my Facebook posting figured that out already. Mom and my doctor say I have to shed a few pounds. Well, gee, I only thought I had to shed furs. But no….I have to “cut back”. *HOWL*. That’s just downright hurtful. I think you know what I mean. So “Going on a diet” means starvation at my house!
Which, of course, leads me to Skibs. And Slurpy. Skibs is another word for food. Weird, huh? Yeah, this is a mom-ism. I am told that it came from when she had her true love, Beasley. Seems initially Beas ate Kibbles and Bits. (Ew, Mom…thankfully she learned). From Kibbles and Bits it went to Kibbles. From Kibbles to Skibbles. From Skibbles to Skibs. Yup, we are asked two times a day, “are you ready for skibs”? Duh, mom. Wanna take a gander at what “slurpy” is? Yup, it’s water. Seems this same dog used to be kind of sloppy; rather, he slurped, in a rhythm of three’s, his water. Slurp slurp slurp. Mom, from there, somehow and some way, switched water to “slurpy”. Now those are two euphemisms that aren’t painful. Just a tad weird, but so is mom.
Another painful euphemism? “Going to the beauty parlor”. Now most of you girly girls out there like doing that. I guess you call it a “spa”. Well, in my land, it is….THE GROOMER. Now our groomer is very nice, but I am not thrilled to be there. I don’t like getting brushed. I don’t like getting bathed. And while, in the end it feels good, I really don’t like getting shorn like a sheep. So when I hear “beauty parlor”, I run.
Two less than pleasant euphemisms are “maybe” and “in a minute”. Mom thinks it will assuage us. Pacify us. Ditto gets it a lot. Here’s how it goes: “Mom, I gotta go out” is followed by “in a minute Ditto”. Then guess what? She doesn’t let us out. Repeat. Guess what? Ditto has to yell, then she gets mad, and we finally go out. Y’think after all these years she’d know we really have to go out. Shuh.
Our Facebook friend gets “maybe”. In other words, back to the second worst word in the world, “NO”. We don’t get “maybe” very often, but we know what it means when she says it. However, it's one of Dad’s favorite euphemisms. Maybe and "we’ll see". Most of you practiced parents out there know what I mean. Both of those terms mean forget about it. *sigh*
Ooh, “TR’s.” TR’s are mom’s attempt to spell words instead of using them. But she forgets how smart we are. TR’s are treats. An oxymoron to “diet”, TR’s are great. Often provided after “Last Trips”, which is the word for “we better go potty now because it’s bedtime and you’re gonna have to hold it.” This is usually associated with “O-U-T”, another attempt by mom to spell, thinking she’s tricked us. But where she slips up is when she puts “OK” with anything. ‘Cuz when we hear the inflection in her voice as she says OK, then we know it’s time to MOVE and usually to the o-u-t doors. Silly mom.
Foster sister/brother is simply a smokescreen. It’s a euphemism for “great, mom now has one more dog to pet and dote on, and less time and less hands for me”. We all know it. And she thinks we’re ok with that! *big sigh*.
I could go on and on. Mom’s got all these trick words. However, we’re pretty smart in our house and we’ve got her figgered out. But that’s ok. We love her as much as always and we know that she’s just trying not to hurt our feelings or make it more fun for all of us. I just wish she’d lose the “diet” one….
Do you have any euphemisms in your house? If you do, please share with us.. And thanks for reading everybody. I hope you were “Bearmused” today!
We have euphemism at our house, too. One of the most annoying ones is "in a minute." It is NEVER just a minute, of course! But eventually, they do what they promise - like come back, or take us out, or rub our bellies.
ReplyDeleteOne we really like is "pee-pee." That means, we get to go outside and then a treat is waiting for us inside. Chapin sometimes tries to fake a pee to speed things up - he lifts his leg, but doesn't do anything. He's not caught on that it is MUCH faster to just do it instead of being sent back to the fence...
Pee-pee can be funny. Especially, when there was a show on TV that our humans watched and our Mom said: "Oh - that was produced by 'P&P&P' productions." After the second 'P', we were all at the door - even the cat.
One of the funnier ones comes from the wall in the kitchen. It's the black-capped chickadee - it calls at 5 o'clock (aka the 5 o'clock bird). That gets our (new) guests every time! It's an Audubon clock, you see, and we get fed at 5 pm - so when it calls, we know it's chow time! Oh, and when we hear them in the woods, we sometimes smack our lips because we associate food with their calls! :-)
Tom has a goofy one with Chapin - it's a German word: "Stutzebockele." When Chapin hears that, he puts his front paw in front of his face - he knows that one of the adults (?) in our household will gently knock their forehead on ours. It's a lot of fun to be goofy like that!